Burn
by HeadGoddessofCynicism
Summary: Just a Zutara story. Don't have a decent summary obviously but feel free to suggest one.
1. And so our story begins

What can I say? I was inspired. It's simply impossible to resist the call of inspiration, especially in the form of plot bunnies. And now, Maura Estella (my muse) with your local disclaimer on the eights.

ME: If you really think she owns Avatar: The Last Airbender, can I have some of whatever you're on?

And last, but not least, a bit of randomness to start this all off.

**WARNING! WARNING! RANDOMNESS AHEAD! I REPEAT, RANDOMNESS AHEAD!**

It's illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.

AGES:

Toph: 16  
Aang: (1)17  
Katara: 19  
Sokka: 20  
Zuko: 21

**I'm too cool for that line thingy.**

"Don't touch that, Sokka."

Sokka looked at Toph in amazement. "How did you-"

"She's an earthbender. She can tell," Katara said.

"I knew that."

Katara rolled her eyes. "Sure you did. Now stay away from the food."

"But I'm hungry!"

"So what else is new. We have a certain amount of food, and it needs to be rationed until the next town. Besides, if anyone here gets extra food, it's going to be Toph. She is feeding two, after all."

"But-but-but..."

"Toph's pregnant. She needs all the comfort we can give her, and if that means your stomach isn't full all of the time, then so be it. Besides, I'm sure Aang'll agree with me on this."

"Of course he will! He's her husband!"

"My decision is final, Sokka. Go find food yourself if you're that hungry."

"But that's too much work!"

"Then you're not hungry enough. Wait until tonight."

"But I'm hungry _now_."

"If you're hungry now, you'll be hungry later."

He didn't have a retort for this, so he just crossed his arms and hmphed.

Toph sighed. "And round 109 goes to Katara. That makes it 108 for Katara, one for Sokka."

"Hey, wait, I've actually won one?"

"Yeah. You were arguing with Katara while she was asleep. Naturally, she was the first one without a comeback, so you won."

"She was asleep then?"

"Yeah. It was actually pretty funny watching you argue with her."

Sokka hmphed again. "Well, at least... um..."

"Toph one, me 108, Sokka one."

"My Lady, I gladly sacrifice my victory to your just and noble cause."

"I thank thee, Lady Toph."

"Hold up. What's Katara's noble cause?"

"Why, making you look like a fool, of course."

"Not that you need any help," Toph added as the two girls collapsed in a fit of giggles.

He stood there, mouth agape. Fortunately for Sokka, however, he was saved having to reply by Aang's arrival.

"Hey guys! I finally found someone to teach me firebending!"

"That's great Aang! Who is it?" Katara asked.

"Um, well..."

"Aang! I think the baby just kicked!"

"Really?" He hurried over to his wife, grateful for the subject change. However, the look on her face wasn't anything to be grateful for.

"If it's who I think it is, we're having a talk later," Toph hissed into his ear.

Aang gulped, but said, "It's getting dark. We should make dinner."

"Good idea. Katara, you get the fire wood, and I'll cook."

Everyone else present looked ill at the mention of Sokka's cooking. They remember clearly when he last attempted to cook, and it hadn't been pretty.

"Why don't I cook, and you can gather fire wood. Aang can look after Momo and Appa."

"I'll gather the firewood, and Sokka can feed them. See you later!" Aang practically flew away.

"Hm... Wonder what's gotten into him?"

Sokka just shrugged and went about feeding Appa, but Toph felt Katara looking at her and nodded. There was something suspicious about this firebender of Aang's. Something Aang was nervous about.

Toph helped Katara cook, using her skills as an earthbender to weigh and measure different vegetables and spices. The two used this as a cover to talk about the suspicious firebender.

"I think it's Iroh."

"Most likely. Who else could it be? Jeong Jeong finally died, so there's no one else that would teach him. Besides, Jeong Jeong had an extremely negative attitude about firebending, so he wouldn't have made a good teacher in the first place."

"I heard him once. Definitely not a motivational speaker."

"You're telling me. But Iroh really is the only possibility."

"I agree."

The two went back to preparing the meal in silence.

**STILL TOO COOL FOR THE LINE**

"That was close," Aang muttered. "UNCLE IROH! ZUKO!"

"Not so loud, young Avatar. You wouldn't want your friends to hear you and ruin the surprise, now would you?"

"Um, yeah... I know Toph and Katara are at least a little bit suspicious, even though Sokka is still clueless, as usual."

"Remind me why I'm the one that has to teach him firebending?"

"Because I am getting too old for such an endeavor. You are surely better suited, Prince Zuko."

"Uncle, I told you not to call me Prince!"

"But what else am I to call you?"

"Try Zuko, for a change."

"But you are a prince."

"I want no part in the Fire Nation, Uncle."

"But you are still a prince."

"As are you."

"Very well, Zuko. I shall refrain from using your title."

"Thank you, Uncle."

"Glad to have been here for this moving, profound family moment, but we have other issues at hand."

"Such as?"

Aang took a deep breath. "Youhavetojoinustomorrow."

"What?"

"You have to join us tomorrow. We're moving on soon anyway."

"What is the rush for, young Avatar?"

"I already told you. Katara and Toph are getting suspicious, and I'm not that good of a liar."

"Very well, Aang. Zuko and I shall come for breakfast tomorrow. Then we may meet our traveling companions."

"Thank you Iroh-ji."

"You are welcome, Aang. Now, here is some firewood. Hurry back before your friends get worried."

"Yes, Iroh-ji."

Aang flew off, leaving Zuko and Iroh alone.

"Such a nice boy. And he has wonderful manners, too. You could learn from him, Zuko. Etiquite lessons in exchange for firebending lessons."

"Uncle, if you know what's good for you, you'll stop talking. And why did you tell him we'd be there for breakfast? And you gave him our firewood! Now I have to go get more, and then it'll take even longer to get dinner!"

"Calm down, Zuko. The Avatar needed that more than we did. Rumor has it he is traveling with a pregnant woman."

Zuko stopped short. "What? Who?"

"I'm not sure, but rumor has it that it is the Water Tribe boy's."

"Uncle, you need to stop listening to rumors. One of these days it's going to be your downfall."

"You worry too much, Zuko."

"You don't worry enough!"

"I worry more than you think. The Avatar is the world's salvation." Iroh gave him a hard look, and Zuko looked away, ashamed.

"I'll go get the firewood."

**Too cool for you!**

"Did you get the firewood Aang?"

"Yeah. Here you go."

"Thanks. Sokka, get the fire started so we can cook."

"Why me? What do I look like? Your servant?"

"Yes. Now start the fire!"

Sokka started mumbling, and slowly got up from his place on the ground.

"Ugh! You're taking too long, Socks! Twinkle Toes, use your firebending whatever."

"But I can barely do anything!"

"I don't care! I'm pregnant and hungry!"

"Fine."

Aang concentrated and started moving his body. A small part of the tinder caught on fire. Katara quickly fanned it so the rest of the wood caught fire.

"Finally! Now that we have a fire, dinner will be in about ten minutes."

"Okay."

"Whatever."

"That long?"

"If you don't stop whining, Sokka, I can make it much longer."

"Ten minutes is good."

"I thought so."

**in the morning**

"Zuko! Wake up!"

"Uncle? What's wrong? Are we under attack?"

"No! It's much worse!"

"It's the Fire Nation attacking?"

"No! We're going to be late for breakfast!"

"Uncle, you woke me up for that?"

"But there might be tea!"

"So?"

"Tea, Zuko! It is the food of life!"

"Uncle Iroh, tea isn't food."

"All the more reason to go!"

Zuko rolled his eyes, but got up any way.

"Get out so I can get dressed."

Iroh beamed at him. Zuko rolled his eyes again and pushed Iroh out of his tent.

**whatever**

**Funness-**Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

Have fun and review. Depending on the number of reviews I get, I may or may not decide to continue this story. So review. Because this story's life depends on it.


	2. Mostly Useless Second Chapter

Um, yeah. I was surprised by how many people reviewed...

ME: Great. Now she's got a swollen ego the size of Appa.

Shut it. I really don't have anything much to say, except that you should go hunt camels in Arizona. Oh, and I guess I should throw a disclaimer in here too... Maura Estella, if you please.

ME: She owns Avatar: The Last Airbender. She is also the president of not only the United States of America, but several other countries, including three in Europe, one in Asia, two in South America, and five in Africa, and the queen of five third world countries and the empress of ten.

YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!! Honestly people! Grow a brain.

**RANDOM ALERT!!!!!!!!!!! Don't say I didn't warn you.**

A mind is like a steel trap- rusty and illegal in several countries.

Chapter Two. Have fun.

"Katara, you need to make extra food. My firebending teacher is joining us today."

"What?" Toph yelled.

"Aang, I know it's important for you to learn firebending, but-" Katara started.

"Do we have to travel with your teacher?" Toph finished bluntly.

"You guys travel with me, don't you?"

"Aang, she's your wife and I was with you before you even started to learn waterbending!"

"So?"

"Oh, you did not just say what I think you just said!"

"Please? Katara, this is important."

Katara sighed. "Fine. But only because you need to master firebending."

"Yes! And you might want to get dressed. They'll be here any moment."

Katara almost ran to her tent to braid her hair and change out of her sleepwear, a breast band with a short skirt (Think her swim suit in "Serpent's Pass"), but she had frozen when she heard "they."

"Twinkle Toes, did you just say they? As in more than one?" Toph turned her head so where her husband was standing, her eyes somehow latching onto his as she verbalized Katara' fear.

"Um... Maybe?"

"Did you or didn't you?" Toph asked sharply.

"Yes..."

"Yes you did or yes you didn't? Be more specific," she snapped.

Aang mumbled something.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you. Speak up!"

"I said yes! Yes I did!"

"Aang!" Katara yelled. "Please tell me it's not Zuko-"

"Hello everyone! What smells so delicious? Ooo, is that tea jasmine?"

"Or Iroh," she finished.

Aang laughed. "Don't worry. It's not. It's Zuko _and_ Iroh!"

At that point, Katara and Toph went from angry to murderous.

When Zuko finally arrived in the clearing, he was greeted with the sight of Sokka holding Katara back as she was attacking Aang with her waterbending, shouting, "I don't give a damn if he's the Avatar!" while Aang was using airbending, earthbending, waterbending, and the occasional burst of flame to keep himself alive. Iroh was off to the side, next to Toph, who just used her earthbending to trip Aang, drinking a cup of what appeared to be tea.

"Um..."

"Ah, Zuko! Glad to see you made it. Would you care for a cup of tea?"

"Um..."

Iroh followed Zuko's gaze to the fighting benders. "Oh, don't worry about them. They've been fighting for the last ten minutes or so."

"Um..."

"Old Man here's right. It'll be at least five more minutes if they don't notice you."

"Do they do this sort of thing often?"

"Yeah. Every time Twinkle Toes does something stupid or screws up. It's a great way to practice bending."

Toph moved her arm for a moment, which sent a boulder flying at Aang. He airbended it away, which gave Katara enough time to hit him with a group of water whips, which sent him flying into the boulder Toph had thrown at him earlier.

"Now, what were you saying?"

"How far along are you?"

"About seven and a half months."

"Ah. Who is the father?"

"Aang."  
"Really..."

"Mhm. Speaking of which, the five minutes are up. Time to save my husband. He'll do the world no good if he's dead. Or severely incapacitated."

The blind earthbender lifter her arms and encased Katara's entire body in stone.

Aang blinked. "I could've done that."

"Uh-huh. Sure thing. Now do you mind helping me up? Breakfast is ready, I'm hungry, and we have guests."

He jogged over to where his wife was sitting a lifted her up, bride style, breaking her concentration on Katara.

"Aang! Put me down!"

"You just told me to help you up!"

"Exactly! I never told you to pick me up!"

Aang attempted to pout. "But that takes the fun out of things!"

Toph's response was to throw a rock at his head, which hit its target straight on.

"Ow!"

"I'd feel sympathetic if you didn't deserve that," Toph announced.

"Not only did he deserve that, but also this-" Katara threw a water whip at him "-and this-" a barrage of ice shards that caused Aang to set down his wife in order to protect himself "-and this-" she grabbed Sokka's boomerang where it was resting near the fire and threw it at him; Aang dodged it at the last minute and the boomerang became deeply lodged into a tree "-and this!" She began creating ice knives, anything from simple shards to complex daggers, and launched them at Aang.

He managed to avoid all but one, and it caught his clothes and pinned him to the tree next to Zuko.

"At least she hasn't gotten into the heavy artillery!" Aang chirped cheerfully to Zuko.

No sooner had he said that than Katara began forming a long broadsword, its edges sharp, glinting and gleaming in the sun.

"You might wanna run," he suggested to Zuko, a smile still on his face.

He needed no further instruction as he sprinted to where Iroh was eating calmly.

"Uncle, how can you just sit there?"

"The grasshopper often drinks when the flea reads."

"What?" he asked, looking extremely confused.

"She's not attacking me."

Zuko scowled. "Then why didn't you just say that?"

"Ah, patience is what allows the snake to create its sculpture."

"No more tea for you, old man."

"You young people just don't appreciate the wonders of tea."

"I appreciate tea just fine when Socks doesn't mix in cactus juice!"

"Who did what?" Zuko asked, confused (again) and angry, the latter being a result of the former.

However, Toph was ignoring him. (He would later come to recognize this as customary behavior, and not at all something to be offended about.) "Oi! Katara! Socks spiked the gensing!"

She stopped attempting to cut off Aang's head and blinked. "What?"

"Socks spiked the gensing. You need to make another pot."

Katara groaned. "Joy." She allowed her ice sword to turn back into water and bent it back into the river. She then marched over to the tea pot, picked it up, and poured it into the river.

**END!**

You people persuaded me to continue. So, here it is. Now, the question remains: **What will Iroh do?** Katara poured his precious tea into the river. She's in trooooooouuuuuuuuuble...

**Fear my awesomeness.**

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

**Oh, and REVIEW! Before I'm forced to discontinue the story. And if you want to put my story into a C2, _PLEASE_ ask me first! **


	3. Ecci! VIVO!

Dedicated to YingYangGoddess, an anon. reviewer whom I made wait an long time for this. My apologies. I know it's short, but I don't have the _**time**_ do write something longer.

ME- You could say that. You could also say that McDonalds is only a little greasy, and it'd be just as accurate.

Shut it.

ME- Puh-lease. Toph and Aang would be practically married, Kataang wouldn't exist, and Zutara would be canon if she was even on the staff for Avatar.

**TOTAL RANDOMNESS--**

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. (words to live by)

_Chapter 3_

Iroh, in an astounding display of manliness, burst into tears.

It was hard to say who was the most alarmed by that point--Katara, Toph, or Zuko. The prize may have gone to Sokka, who chose that exact moment to pop back into the story.

"Um... I think I'll go back again." This being said, he crept away from the authoress's list of characters to be used in this chapter and is currently believed to be living somewhere in the Air Country, though Intelligence is still working on his whereabouts.

Aang, being the adorable little tike that he is, opted to merely, in another display of incredible manliness, hug Iroh, who, in return, decided to be equally, if not more, manly, and cry on his shoulder.

"Aw... There, there, Iroh. It's going to be okay. We'll make more tea!"

Iroh looked up at the younger man. "Promise?"

"Of course! In fact, Katara was just about to make some!"

Katara, being too wierded out over that most manly display she just saw, started to make more tea, taking extreme care to not upset Iroh any more, even going so far as to offer him one of their precious cookies.

"Thank you. It's been ages since I last had a cookie," he said as he accepted it.

Katara just nodded as she edged away.

"I'm not entirely sure what just happened. Do I want to know?" Toph asked.

"I don't know either, and right now, that's working wonderfully for me," Katara answered.

Zuko was looking extremely panicked (yes, that is a real word and that is really how you spell it). "You're all crazy."

"We're the crazy ones?" Katara exclaimed at the same time as Toph choose to speak.

"Let me remind you exactly whose uncle was just going all psycho and manly on us."

"It's your fault he was doing that!"

"Maybe it was yours!" Katara screamed back.

"Well, at least I'm sane!"

Katara replied by washing him into the river with an enormous wave of water, with Toph's cry of "I hope he drowns!"

**Random: **Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Short? Yes. Satisfying? I hope so. It may be a while before I get the chance to update again. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not dead. Yet. Maybe. There's a possibility.


	4. The Blue!

I have no idea when, exactly, this turned into a Crack!fic, but that is exactly what it appears to be now. I have, if you would care to notice, changed the genre(s) accordingly. My muse, Maura Estella, has gone on vacation for an unspecified period of time, but I am here to deliver this chapter far, far, far too late. Oh well. Better late than never.

_Random_: Sex is emotion with motion--Mae West

**Disclaimer:** It's not my sandbox. I just play here.

'Blue.'

That solitary, random thought was all the thought the man formerly known as Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation (now rumored to be going by the title of "Dead") could muster up.

'It really is quite attractive down here, isn't it? I might build myself a summer home down here. But the pebbles are a bit of a problem. They'd need to be replaced. The fishies are pretty, though...'

Then something shiny caught his eye. It was a pretty necklace, and there appeared to be a pendant hanging from it.

Some where in Zuko's hazy, oxygen deprived, depraved mind he recognized the necklace as belonging to the waterbending wench.

'She was rather fussy,' he recalled, 'the last time I took it from her. I wonder if that's why she's acting like she has a stick up her ass?'

A thought occured to him.

'Maybe if I give it back to her, she won't try to kill me any more! Yeah, that'd be good. Dying isn't really fun, I don't think. Maybe. It might be, I've never really tried. Maybe after I build my summer home, I'll check it out and see what it's like.'

So as he managed to start swimming toward it he realized that instead of going toward his goal, he was in fact moving farther away from it.

'No! Why have you betrayed me! I must... go... toward... The Shiny! I WANT TO LIVE!'

He didn't really have time to register anything else, because for some reason, The Blue was getting darker...

When our hero woke up, Tea-Obsessed Old Man was shaking Waterbending Wench's shoulders and screaming something uncomprehensable while Fat Girl looked on.

He noted with some distaste that Fat Girl was eating again.

'She really did eat too much. Just look at the size of her! She's like a whale! It's shameful. Someone really should put her on a diet or something. With the size of her stomach and everything, I wonder why Bald Tatoo Guy didn't suggest it to her. He appears to have the sublty of a drunk mongoose dragon. Hm... I'm hungry. I wonder again who was supposed to be cooking...'

Zuko looked back to Waterbending Wench and remembered that he didn't have her Shiny! She was going to kill him if he didn't get her Shiny!

He wasn't the sort that would particularly like to die, and with that thought in mind, he threw himself off the grassy bank where he had been resting and into The Blue again.

Once he knew what he was looking for, he found The Shiny was impossibly harder to locate. Maybe she'd be merciful, for once in her peasant life.

Oh, wait! There's The Shiny... but The Blue was being speckled with black again...

For the second time that day, when Zuko once again regained consciousness, Tea-Obsessed Old Man was attacking Waterbending Wench, and Fat Girl was eating. Except this time, there was someone poking him.

He lazily turned his head to see who was poking him, and shut his eyes when he realized it was Sock Boy.

'What an unfortunate image to wake up to.'

"Hey, it's awake!"

The sounds of fighting stopped abruptly.

"Hah! I told you I didn't kill him," Waterbending Wench said smugly. He just knew she was sticking her tongue out at Tea-Obsessed Old Man.

"Yay. We've determined that our lovely suicidal charge has not, in fact, completed his life mission. I, at least, have also determined that we're behind schedule. We'll never make it if we keep going at this pace." There was Fat Girl talking again. She wasn't very nice, you know, insulting someone who just had not one, but three near-death experiences.

Except... He still didn't have Waterbending Wench's Shiny, and she was going to kill him.

He lunged over Sock Boy, to get into a position closer to the water. He didn't want to die yet! He hadn't even given Iroh grandchildren to spoil!

Taking a deep breath, for the third time today, he found himself confronted with The Blue. However, this time, he managed to find her Shiny before The Blue started changing colors. He scooped it up in his hand, and just in time, too. The Blue had started changing.

Zuko found he didn't particularly mind The Blue's constant indecisiveness as much now that he had The Shiny and now that he wasn't going to die.

Yes, The Blue's color issues weren't nearly as annoying as it's inability to pick a form and stick with it. First, The Blue had felt wet, but now it felt nice and airy, with a small breeze. The Blue was also considerably warmer. 'It just wasn't good manners to be going around changing like that,' Zuko decided irratibly. 'People dont' do it, and I don't see why The Blue should be any different. A little common decency would be nice.'

Didn't The Blue know that? Honestly. What kind of manners did The Blue's mother teach it?

1234567890

And that more or less concludes Zuko's encounters with The Blue. More next time. Review if you like, review if you don't.

Today's song recomendation-- "I Never Told You What I Do For A Living" by My Chemical Romance


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